It is our extreme displeasure to report that we witnessed what was probably the greatest competition related tragedy since figure skating in the mid-nineties. The Hippo House, delighted at her recent engagement took to the stage at the Rio Theatre to announce the nuptials only to be met by a callous and unfeeling audience.
The Hippo House did her best to maintain her composure but eventually the overbearing audience wore her down and she fled into the night. Her whereabouts are currently unknown. Anyone who sees the whimpering beastess about town is urged to not attempt apprehending her as she is wounded, frightened, and a slightly rosier shade of gentile aqua than normal and may lash out if approached. Call your local animal control dispatcher and maintain your distance.
Baron Von Tone, on hearing about the behaviour of the plebes and parasites who inhabit the sticky cauldron across the street from Uncle Fatih’s pizza promised swift and disproportionate retaliation for anyone he encounters at the wedding wearing skinny jeans and wide rimmed glasses. So I guess we have a dress code now…. hopefully we still have a bride.
The following is a short clip taken by a concerned citizen before things turned brutally ugly.